And Then She Decided to Live

I was a timid kid. For those of you who knew me, I obviously don't mean that in the social context. I didn't like to I things that scared me. I knew what it felt like when the pit of my stomach tightened, my palms got sweaty, and I got fidgety...and I didn't like that feeling, so I chose to keep myself out of situations that forced me out of my comfort zone. 

I follow rules, I'm nice to pretty much everyone, I really do believe in the best side of everyone, and I often make sure everyone is happy before I worry about myself. I don't get scared and I don't push boundaries. I apologize for things that aren't my fault and I try to fix people...and then one day (more likely over a long, grueling period of time...) I decided to live. No more existing....it's time for living. 

I packed up my life and moved here because I wanted to! I went first up the high ropes course because I wanted to. I bouldered up a rock that I knew I would be petrified to climb down because I had seen it, picked it out, and I wanted to! I am going somewhere new and random each week on the subway because...well, I'm sure you get it by now...

I'm living, taking risks, being bold, and adventuring because I want to fill every moment possible with memories of adventure, friendships, and once-in-a-lifetime experiences. I want to take in the richness of incredible destinations, dig deep into my heart, experience the fullness of other people and their lives, and chase whatever it is that God had places in my heart. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something is stirring. It's taken me 28 years, but I'm finally comfortable in my own skin, and I even like it here :) 

Yeah, this is what my heart has been after for a long time, and my friends know I love adventuring around, but this is new, it's real, and it's my life. The one for living, not existing. 

"Every human has an finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine"

-Neil Armstrong